What reasons will help keep you positive

Toxic People: Why They Wear These

Everyone has to come to an agreement now and then toxic people mess around. These situations occur particularly often in private life when you get to know new people, but unfortunately also in your job, when you meet new colleagues, superiors, customers or even suppliers. An important question is how you deal with these people. Are they negatively affecting your performance in the workplace, or is it even possible that your personal well-being suffers? If so, the second question surely often arises: What are you doing wrongthat you are repeatedly confronted with toxic people? The answer: Nothing at all! In fact, you are probably doing some things right. We show how you can recognize and name toxic people Five surprising reasons why you of all people seem to attract toxic people like a magnet ...

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

Definition: what exactly are toxic people?

When it comes to toxic people, everyone probably has instantly a certain person in mind, a colleague who comes to mind spontaneously or an acquaintance whose image unconsciously pops up at the thought. We are good at recognizing toxic people - of course also because dealing with them can be so uncomfortable and difficult. These contemporaries seem to stumble upon the fact that every encounter with them is neither fun nor joy.

But as good as we are at recognizing toxic people, it is often difficult to describe exactly what is hidden behind this trait. One of the reasons for this is that it no clear and concise definition for the term toxic human gives. But what there is in abundance are typical traits and behaviors that characterize toxic people:

  1. Toxic people are dishonest

    Whether lying or deliberate manipulation: A toxic person is every means is right to achieve one's own goals, to enforce opinions or to gain an advantage. As long as it serves its own purposes, toxic people take advantage of the trust placed in them, distort the truth or simply leave out important information.

    A special - and particularly perfidious - types of toxic people are schemers, gossipers and spreaders of rumorstrying to damage someone else's reputation. Here the image is deliberately dragged through the dirt to emphasize one's own status or to assert itself.

  2. Toxic people cross borders

    Toxic people is often regardless of whether they are allowed to do something or whether others consider their behavior to be right or wrong - they just do it, even at the risk of harming others. A classic example is not being able to accept a no as such. Instead, people keep going and pushing ahead.

    In doing so, they often do not even notice what situation they are putting their counterpart in and also Toxic people don't know about excuses. They always see themselves in the right with their behavior and do not allow themselves to be dissuaded from this opinion by discussions or facts.

  3. Toxic people don't want a solution at all

    Once they have set their minds on something, toxic people can no longer give up. On the positive side, you could say that you are persistent and assertive, but actually they are simply unable to compromise. The point is not at all to find a common solution, but to insist on your own point of view.

    Nor should empathy be expected. Toxic people are and are not interested in the opinions or feelings of their interlocutors not really interested in an exchange. They just want the attention and in the end, the approval of others.

  4. Toxic people only think of themselves

    Selfishness is almost an understatement. Toxic people are not the sun, around which everything has to revolve, but see themselves rather, as the only star in the entire universe. If you do have to deal with others, you feel like you are miles ahead and let others feel that too.

    They give the impression that they are not good enough in any area and undermine the self-confidence of their contacts. Anyone who dares to contradict must be prepared To be confronted not only with arguments, but also insults or slanderso that the inviolable self-image does not falter.

  5. Toxic people poison the environment

    One toxic person is enough to turn the atmosphere into a disaster in an entire group. They try to play off everyone present against each other, push themselves to the fore, cause disputes and force differences of opinion. Situations that one would normally want to avoid are deliberately provoked and toxic people seem to draw energy from them.

    This is also evident in the group dynamics destructive behavior. Success is not granted to anyone and so there is always a fly in the ointment, every idea is talked about small and bad and if someone should achieve something, plans are already forged and rumors spread to change something.

  6. Toxic people put pressure on others

    Another popular means is the pressure of expectation. Every mistake is addressed long and broadly, taken up again and again and put into focus, while positive developments or good performances are swept under the carpet. Additionally, toxic people always expect things to go the way they imagined.

    Those who do not want to get involved are put under further pressure - often through feelings of guilt. A little sentence like I didn't expect you to let me down like that enough to get one evoke guilty conscience and manipulate behavior.

The following graphics also show how you can recognize negative people:


Toxic People: How To Deal With Them

Toxic and negative people can get out of a normal day torture in record time do. They whine, complain or blaspheme and poison the atmosphere without interruption and so the good mood of the other people present is often quickly taken care of. But who would want to be spoiled by a single person on a regular basis? Just. Therefore it is important how you react in such a situation and what conclusions you draw from it.

We therefore recommend for dealing with toxic people five different steps:

  • Address the behavior. Unfortunately, most people are very resistant when it comes to pointing out their wrongdoing. Nevertheless, it is definitely worth a try at the first attempt. It is important: Make it clear what exactly bothers you and what solution you envision.
  • Point out the consequences. Sometimes only clear announcements help. If a colleague is repeatedly confronted with toxic behavior, make it clear that it cannot go on like this and that you will contact the boss or the HR department without further ado in the next incident. In particularly severe cases, it is also advisable to present the toxic person with a fait accompli and to initiate the consequences immediately without warning.
  • Look for fellow campaigners. Often times, you won't be the only one feeling bothered by a person or behavior. For example, speak to colleagues who feel the same way. Together you can also contact the boss and ask for a solution to the problem.
  • Do not feel personally attacked. It's so easy to say ... In reality, however, it is incredibly difficult not to get maddened or hurt by the behavior. In fact, however, it is usually not a personally intended attack. As banal as it sounds, it's just the toxic person's personality - it's his way. That doesn't make it more pleasant, but it may help to take it less personally.
  • Avoid contact. The last consequence should always be that you avoid contact as much as possible. This is of course easier to implement in the private sector, but it also works to a certain extent in the job.

5 surprising reasons you attract toxic people

It is a Misbeliefthat you attract toxic people by your own bad sides. You have probably heard the saying before People of the same kind stick together belongs. That this popular wisdom does not really apply can be seen in the most varied of relationships. A different comparison applies here: The two negative poles of a magnet repel each otherwhile opposites attract.

In other words: You draw toxic people above all through your special positive traits and behaviors at. This can also be seen in these five surprising reasons.

  1. They are very helpful

    Offering your help to others when there is a need not only makes you personable, but also strengthens personal relationships. Unfortunately, this kindness is often and gladly exploited. Of course, you shouldn't offend every colleague who asks you for help with a task. The right way is to question whether your willingness to help is also reciprocated. Has that person done you a favor?

  2. You are a good listener

    Most people really appreciate a good listener. You should therefore be particularly proud of this property. But caution is also advised, because even toxic people quickly notice that they always have an open ear. Faster than you would like, you will find yourself in an endless monologue of your interlocutor, who tells you about his endless problems or spreads stories about friends and colleagues without being interested in your opinion. The only thing that often helps here is to end the conversation as quickly as possible with an excuse.

  3. You share your ideas and goals

    Do you have a vision of how you want to shape your future or an idea that you have been dreaming of for a long time? Share these ideas with positive people, receive honest opinions and important feedback. On the other hand, toxic people see the chance to badmouth everything, sow doubts and convince you that you can't make it anyway. They also represent this attitude towards themselves. That is why they do not trust or allow anyone else to succeed.

  4. You like to make new contacts

    A large network has many advantages, but your open and sociable nature can also quickly become the target of manipulative attacks. On the one hand, there is a risk of adding toxic people to your network and thus increasing the risk for the points already mentioned. On the other hand, the toxic behavior often manifests itself through lies and manipulation. For each of your contacts you will hear a story in which the person does not get off well. Remember to always form your own opinion first and not just rely on hear-tell.

  5. You have a positive effect on others

    Even a positive charisma can be enough to attract toxic people. The reason for this is as simple as it is sad: resentment. Negativity makes you unhappy and so many cannot understand that others are apparently better off than they are. So people try to drag others down with them. Of course, you shouldn't let this take your positive energy away from you, but instead, as mentioned above, avoid contact as much as possible.

The other way around it becomes a shoe ...

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[Photo credit: gualtiero boffi by Shutterstock.com]

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November 13, 2020Author: Jochen Mai

Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.

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