What is the secret to maintaining friendship

Childhood friendships

Table of Contents

1 Introduction

2. Importance of friendships

3. The concept of friendship in children
3.1 Concept of friendship in children
3.2 Development of the ideas of friendship according to Selman

4. Friendship as a process
4.1 Conditions for creating friendships
4.2 Selection of friends
4.3 Beginning and maintenance of friendship
4.4 Duration and termination of friendships

5. Occurrences and characteristics of child friendships
5.1 Behavior among friends and non-friends
5.2 Best friends and loose friends
5.3 Group game
5.4 Girlfriends
5.5 Boyfriends

6. Summary

7. Conclusion for school

8. Bibliography

1 Introduction

All over the world people come together to have fun together,

to build each other up, to trust each other, to help each other and to be there for each other. The interpersonal relationship friendship occurs regardless of culture, age, religion, social class or gender. Why ask

we make friends with other people? When do children start to form friendships and what does friendship mean to them. I would like to deal with these questions in my documentary work.

When I think back to my own childhood, I primarily think of my best friend, with whom I was friends in kindergarten and elementary school. Childhood smells of friendship and adventure, of solidarity and fun. I can remember less of lesson scenes from primary school, but all the better of shared experiences and feelings with and for my girlfriend. I could now describe exactly what I felt when we had secrets together, discovered the world together or simply the good fortune to know that someone was always there for you. This friendship is incomparable to the friendships we make in adulthood. Children have a very unique picture of friendships. In this work I will deal more closely with the friendships of children.

2. Importance of friendships

Why do children need friends? That is the central question in this chapter.

Relationships with children of the same age play an extremely important role not just in childhood, but from toddler age. This view is linked to the idea that children themselves actively participate in their development and do not just want to be shaped from outside by simply accepting what is given by adults.

No matter how good the relationship between parent and child is, parents cannot replace friends. The parent-child relationship is one-sided. The parents are more in control of the child than the other way around. The relationship is characterized by authority and care on the part of the parents and subordination and need for protection on the part of the child (Salisch, 1991, p. 3). The lead that adults have in life experience, knowledge and power cannot be completely canceled even by a less authoritarian style of upbringing. This is also very helpful in this phase of life, "because small children are completely dependent on people who offer them security, meaning and order" (Krappmann, 1993, p. 45). In contrast, the relationship with children of the same age looks completely different.

Children among themselves have the same opportunities to influence, they can have an equal say in the course of interactions. That is why peer relationships are so important. It is through this relationship that the children learn about equality and equality. First of all, children learn that other children have the same demands as themselves. That means they learn that their view of things is not the only one, they learn that other children want to push through their plans just as they do. This first experience can be painful and takes a heavy toll on many children. At first it is very difficult for children to understand that their own wishes are not always in the foreground and that you sometimes have to compromise with other children. “The interaction with peers stimulates the social-cognitive development of the children; From a learning theory perspective, a lot is learned from peers ”(after Piaget and Wygotski, Asendorpf, 2000, p. 99). Children fulfill completely different socialization functions for one another than adults. Within friendship relationships, children gain experiences that family and school cannot offer them. The experiences gained in this way influence the social, cognitive and moral development of the child and are therefore extremely important for the children. Psychologically speaking, friendships are very basic ones

human needs, such as the need for closeness and affection. Relationships with other people are essential for human wellbeing. Long-term isolation and loneliness lead to frustration. We feel good when we can exchange ideas with other people, when we are given their affection, and when we are valued by them. You experience these values ​​in friendships. Therefore it brings us joy to be active together with other people. This aspect plays an important role, especially in childhood friendships. Children prefer to be active in games together. But we don't just want to be with close friends when we're doing well. When things are going badly for us, it is the friend who can comfort us and stand by us (Bachmann, 1996, p. 9). It has been found that children who have positive experiences with friends feel more balanced and at ease than children who have no friends (Wagner, 1994, p. 10). “Having friends correlates with positive individual characteristics” (Asendorpf, 2000, p. 105). These children are also more open to further friendships, as they hope for pleasant feelings and experiences from such relationships. Friendships have many more functions for children than those described so far. As noted at the beginning of the chapter, the relationship between parent and child is described as one-sided. The relationship between peers is called symmetrical (Wagner, 1994, p. 4). Here you exchange ideas, both or more parties have equal rights and together and agreements are made, for example about joint games. In relation to their peers, however, children also learn “cooperation, competition, moral norms, aggression control, trust and sensitivity” (Wagner, 1994, p. 4). Among other things, these values ​​help the children to grow into mature, positive personalities and to enter into more intimate relationships in adulthood. By exchanging ideas with peers, the children develop their social skills and learn to interact with other people more and more successfully. Communication plays an important role in this. Through communication, I start friendships and keep them going. Communication can take place with the help of words, but also with gestures and facial expressions. The communicative skills that are developed in understanding with people of the same age include being able to listen, not being able to talk in between and being able to respond to the other. Communication is particularly important in close friendships, as you trust each other and don't want to hurt your friend. What has been said is put on the gold scales and words from your best friend hurt particularly badly when they are critical. Therefore, in friendships you also learn to be sensitive to communication.

As mentioned by Wagner, children learn to appreciate cooperation in friendships. When pursuing common goals, the children who are friends are particularly cooperative; they like to work together, for example on jointly set tasks. Within the friendships, the children not only learn social skills, but also develop cognitively. In dealing with other children, they learn to develop a “sense of their own identity” (Rubin, 1981, p. 13). Their own point of view is increasingly compared with the point of view of other children, so the child becomes increasingly aware of their own perspective. This development step is a very important one, because only now is it possible for the child to integrate new perspectives into their own existing knowledge. The children have to acquire new knowledge themselves; it cannot simply be imparted by their parents or educators.

The ability to argue is also trained in dealing with peers. The ability to communicate and express thoughts is driven by dealing with peers (Rubin, 1981, p. 12).

In dealing with friends, morality also plays a role (Wagner, 1994, p. 4).

Children may not yet know what the term is, but instinctively they have an understanding of morality. When playing together, for example, it is immoral to cheat. To act morally means first and foremost to act fairly. Children know rules from their parents, these are given, children must first establish such rules among themselves. A child's moral ideas about right and wrong are not always consistent with adults' ideas. Interacting with children or friends of the same age helps develop your own personality. The more a child knows something about others, the more it learns about itself. This comparison can also be seen in competition, for example for the most beautiful picture or to be the fastest in a race. Such a competition should not be understood as a rivalry between the children, but rather as the human need to come to a self-image through comparisons with others (Rubin, 1981, p. 13). It is difficult for children and partly for adults to build up a self-image. Confrontations with other children, who do not have to be friends, help to classify yourself into a group. It also helps children get to know their strengths and weaknesses. It's a good feeling to be the most skilled at a ball game or to build the most beautiful castles in the sand. In this context, however, children also have to learn that you cannot be the best everywhere and that there are things that you do not succeed so well. On the one hand, self-esteem is increased, namely when you are good at something, on the other hand you have to learn to put up with defeats and deal with them. For the most part, friends try to avoid competition among themselves, as it all too often leads to conflicts (Oerter & Montada, 2002, p. 247). However, a defeat among friends does not trigger competition. Within friendships, one is happy about the success of the other. Under the protection of friendship, defeat is less bad. This is where friends stick together and if you fail, your friend will rebuild you. A friend is someone who trusts you and accepts you for who you are. Friends repeatedly reinforce each other's opinions, emphasize what they have in common, which gives us a feeling of understanding and togetherness. The meaning of friendship changes in the course of childhood and personal development. Where every child is still accepted as a player in toddler age, the first differentiations can already be seen in primary school age. Here it happens that advances are rejected (Bachmann, 1996, p. 13). In early adolescence, friends play an important role in having a partner with whom to engage in activities together. In middle adolescence friendship comes to the fore as a place of "self-revelation" (Oerter & Montada, 2002, p. 315). In this phase, great importance is attached to trust and security. In late adolescence, the relationship between friends becomes more relaxed again. After that, friendship is often lived out less intensely than in childhood and adolescence. I will return to the changed concept of friendship in children in the next chapter.

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