Should I forgive my ex-girlfriend 1
Why you definitely don't want your ex back. (Though you can't think of anything else right now.)
A few days ago I was made aware of an online offer (= I received a request whether I want to advertise it on my blog) that read something like:
"This way you are guaranteed to get your ex back."
And even if I first made a few jokes with Noelle ("Finally exciting content, Mum. I think the idea is great." "Noelle, YOU DON'T HAVE AN EX!" "BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY, MUM!" ) I want to take my responsibility in this regard.
Because as much as we had to smile at Noelle's words:
With acute lovesickness you can hardly find anything to laugh about.
I have already written about the topic several times, but since nothing changes from "I've read this before.", Fresh input is good for everyone:
those affected (EVERYTHING that is not related to romance is good for them), and the rest (because it strengthens their consciousness and you can help your daughter / girlfriend, etc. if necessary)
So today I'm telling you how to get your ex back. (No, wait ...)
And why I think that's the biggest bullshit ever.
1. Don't judge.
Before I really start with the topic, I want to send you something basic in advance:
No matter how old, smart, or reflective you are - lovesickness can affect anyone, a 16-year-old student or a 52-year-old lawyer.
Therefore, every condemnation from the outside ("What is she doing? I could never cry after someone like that!") And from within ("What am I doing? I shouldn't cry after someone like that!") Is really out of place .
Judgment is ALWAYS out of place because: Who gives you the right to pass judgment on someone?
We are not in this world to judge what others are doing wrong or right.
Mind your own business.
We are here to help others, not to roll our eyes at them behind their backs.
Neither should you get ready for the fact that it hit you and you act like a teenager: Believe me, you're done enough already.
Everyone: "Why does it always not work for me, and others have great relationships?" - the thought is also nonsense, because firstly it is nothing unusual, and secondly, other people have relationships, yes.
Usually there can be no talk of great.
Lovesickness takes place on a different level than the mind - because the following applies: Emotion beats mind.
And relationships are the supreme discipline of emotions, which is why the feelings are particularly violent and irrational.
Countless women write to me who are beautiful, successful, intelligent and self-confident, and still find themselves in the valley of tears.
Good for you:
Spirit beats emotion.
And that's why I can definitely help you.
2. Why you definitely don't want your ex back. (Although you can't think of anything else right now).
Your dream man is not your dream man.
If the person were your dream man, YOU WOULD BE HAPPY NOW. AND TOGETHER WITH HIM.
If both are not the case (at the same time!), The dream is obviously over.
„But Joanna, he WOULD be my dream man. He is perfect. He just doesn't understand that I'm the right one for him.“
Your dream man would understand.
If he doesn't understand, he's not your dream man.
No matter how gorgeous he looks and how wonderful he is.
You will never want to be with someone you have to prove something to (if only that you are the right person for them).
A relationship is not mutual proof. A relationship is giving each other gifts.
You have to be the most beautiful gift and the greatest gain for him, otherwise IS. HE. NOT. YOUR. DREAM MAN.
Six pack or not.
„But Joanna, we would still be together if I hadn't been so stupid and had done everything wrong. "
I understand, but then there is for you first: work on yourself, love yourself, and not try to fix the past.
You may have screwed up a lot, but do you want to be in a relationship where you are "the culprit"?
And then somehow “pay off” your debt again, be it in bearing accusations / taunts, or in particularly “being nice”?
Or keep blaming yourself if it happens again?
This is not a partnership, it is pure effort and performance, day by day - and a price that is far too high for financial security, cuddling on the sofa, not having to be alone, or whatever attracts you to this man.
If you really do love the person that much, let go of them completely and get on with yourself first.
Otherwise, in six months you will be at exactly the same point as you were recently and turning round after round: always the same mistakes, always the same pain.
Life is far too good for that.
“But Joanna, he's my dream man. He's only afraid of commitment because he's been so hurt. But I can do it, I just have to try harder. "
Like I said it hundred times before:
This is not a relationship, this is a project.
And you definitely shouldn't be the one trying harder (because he's having problems).
You are not your partner's therapist.
And not his life coach.
And not his mommy.
I know exactly how beautifully you can paint everything yourself, and how much you can celebrate a Mother Theresa complex (and in a perfidious way it gives you the feeling of being needed) - but at the end of the day:
Do you really want to spend your life “working” on someone?
You already work from Monday to Friday - do you want to oversee an additional “dream man project” after work?
That's not what you're in this world for.
„But Joanna, he's my dream man, he just made mistakes. Aren't we all making mistakes? You have to be able to forgive. "
Of course everyone makes mistakes, there are misunderstandings and challenges, and situations in which we learn and grow together: that is actually something very nice.
However, this can only happen on a basis of absolute respect, the greatest mutual appreciation and always on an equal footing.
It is like this:
The level of love, respect, and appreciation you show yourself will roughly determine the level of appreciation that you accept from your partner as "normal" or appropriate.
And everyone has an individual standard:
Some are already satisfied with it if their partner doesn't complain for a few days.
Personally, I wouldn't even tolerate it if I met a man and he wasn't with me with all his attention during this time - that in itself is disrespectful to me.
It would be the last meeting.
I see my person and my time as so precious.
(„But Joanna, with such high standards you never get a man!“AS IF THAT WERE MY GOAL. To get a husband.)
„But Joanna, he is my dream man because: I love him sooooo!"(Hashtag #Totschlagargument)
Now you have to be very strong:
What you are referring to as love right now is a mixture of longing, (Disney-tinged) ideas, deficiency symptoms and an emotional addiction.
It has to do with love ZERO COMMA ZERO.
It's an obsession, a mindfuck, a desperate fear of losing something, it's lovesickness (with an emphasis on SORRY. It should actually be called wanting sorrow), but not love.
Love is dignity, strength, beauty, clarity.
3. Who is running after whom? Why ex-partner winning is pure moneymaking and manipulation at its best.
It makes a world of difference whether customers chase a company or they chase them.
It makes a world of difference whether the boys chase after a girl and they chase after them.
The starting point is completely different.
"This is how you get your ex-partner back" Offers specifically take advantage of the infinite despair and the pain of lovesickness and have only one thing in mind: to earn money and to enrich oneself from suffering.
The starting point is always:
You run after the man.
You are the supplicant.
In the best case, you learn manipulation techniques through it - BUT WHO WANTS TO BE WITH A PARTNER WHO HAS MANIPULATED INTO THE RELATIONSHIP ?!
Is it still possible to go lower?
In the worst case, you learn absolutely nothing and pay a lot of money for nothing.
In both cases it is very, very undignified, and since you are emotionally down on the ground anyway, you may be tempted to eat the dregs and take part in something like that.
Please don't do it!
Running after a man and “convincing” him may initially calm the pain or stir up hopes - but at the end of the day the misery is only bigger, the pain only worse, and your happiness is even further afield.
A love ambassador does not run after a man, a job, a house or anything else (no matter how loud the feelings shout the opposite).
What belongs to you will always find its way to you, without any struggle, manipulation, stress, pressure and the emotional drama.
4. Ignore your feelings.
Like I said it a thousand times;):
In a phase of separation and lovesickness, you can ZERO rely on your feelings.
You can never really rely on your feelings, but this time it's especially important, so listen carefully to me:
Just because you miss him infinitely doesn't mean you are meant to be together.
Just because you cry every time you think about the beautiful doesn't mean he's the right one.
Just because you've already gone through the all-important situation a hundred times in your mind and imagined what would have happened if you hadn't ... and he pointed out ... it doesn't mean that it worked.
Just because he wrote back doesn't mean he loves you.
Just because he wants to see you again, and you may have sex with each other again, doesn't mean that he appreciates you (it probably means that he's just a fuckboy).
Your feelings lie to you.
Really by the line and thread.
You may have been ripped off by your ex, but it is much worse when your emotions have ripped you off for days, weeks, and months.
SO YOU DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR FEELINGS.
You do NOT believe your feelings.
Not at all.
You don't believe in longing, missing, pain, lack, feeling high when he writes again, or relief when he wants to see you.
This is all a huge lie, and you can NULL act on it right now.
You don't believe it
Dignity, strength, beauty, clarity.
Not: Pain, Missing, Longing, Desperate.
A life without drama is meant for you.
5. Quick tips during lovesickness.
Finally, a small reminder as a free service for my readers.
These tips ALWAYS apply and I will not engage in any discussion about them - either you do or you continue to suffer.
If the heartache is acute, the following applies to you:
- Delete all messages, all pictures, all emails, all chat histories and block it on your mobile phone and on all channels.
THEN delete his number (pro tip: if you delete this first, he still has the opportunity to write to you, and you sit there, hoping, and stare at your cell phone every hour).
Of course you escaped from him everywhere - it doesn't matter what he thinks about you because of it.
It's all about you right now.
- Don't listen to romantic songs, read romantic books, watch romantic films, or scroll through photos of couples on Instagram.
Don't engage in anything that fuels any emotion - it's like eating pounds of donuts and hoping you won't feel sick.
- Never allow yourself to think:
"Without him my life has no meaning."
For a love ambassador, this sentence is an ABSOLUTE NO GO.
Do not play with this thought, do not paint it up, do not move it back and forth: If something like this appears even in your haze, you remove it SO F O R T from your head.
Suicide is simply NOT an option at all, and must not even begin to be an option for you in the greatest desperation.
Are we clear?!
You can't see it in your emotional swamp right now, but in truth it is like this:
Your life is absolutely great, unique and infinitely precious.
You are worth the fact that every second of your life is filled with inner happiness, lust for life, enjoyment and fun.
There are a lot of wonderful, exciting and great things waiting for you: You leave the old behind and do not cry for a second.
What lies in front of you is always much more beautiful than what lies behind you - that is the secret of a love ambassador, and that's why we're so good at letting go;).
Because we look forward to everything inside so much, and everything inside is so beautiful.
And if you can't be so happy right now (I know), do it this way:
You just believe me more than your feelings, yes?
P.s. As always:
Everything I've written about applies to both sexes - but because most of my readers are women, I formulated it for them.
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