Get jealous of your friends

Fear of loss in relationshipsFriendships: Why jealousy a goods indicator be can

Whether in relationships or friendships, when someone squeezes between us and a loved one, some people get jealous quickly. No feeling to be ashamed of. It is an opportunity to rethink connections.

Anyone who believes that jealousy only exists in love relationships has probably forgotten the time in elementary school: Back then, when the coolest class members chose someone new as their best friends every week and sowed the feeling of fear of loss early on. "Nobody likes to feel pushed aside," says psychologist and couples therapist Felicitas Heyne.

"It's interesting to ask yourself what does jealousy say about me?"
Felicitas Heyne, psychologist and couples therapist

Instead of feeling ashamed of the feeling, ask ourselves why we think a friend would like someone else more than us. Are we just insecure or is there really something behind it? Jealousy always has to do with disappointment, says the psychologist. That's because a person pays us less attention than we'd like. This is a sign that friendship is particularly important to us.

An imbalance can end friendships

Should this first feeling come true and there really is an imbalance in friendship, jealousy could also lead to the realization that friendship is given a status that it actually does not deserve. The psychologist knows that this is painful at first, but very useful afterwards.

"I give friendship too high a priority that it really doesn't deserve."
Felicitas Heyne, psychologist and couples therapist

Jealousy in Corona times

The current contact restrictions also mean that we can see certain people less - because we cannot take the train to other parts of Germany, for example. This can lead to jealousy because our friends can now spend more time with other people.

Felicitas Heyne says that we should always keep in mind that we are in an exceptional situation that will pass. Nevertheless, we should also check here whether there is anything to our jealousy. If the impression is confirmed after the ban on contact, we could question the degree of friendship.

It is similar with polyamorous relationships that are restricted by Corona. The crisis turns the spotlight on weaknesses in the relationship that would have become a problem anyway. Basically, however, we shouldn't make any radical decisions at the moment and consider that the situation is difficult for everyone.

Communication and forbearance

Quite apart from the fact that jealousy is not bad and can be an indicator of deeper problems, you should address it. In friendships or in any other relationship: "In these moments, keep calm honesty," says the psychologist and advises you to be relaxed and not limited in time
Moments to talk about the problems.

Also, you shouldn't talk about jealousy in situations where you are emotionally troubled. The other person needs the opportunity to present their side, emphasizes Felicitas Heyne, because we often do not interpret situations correctly and in the end there is absolutely no reason to be jealous.